After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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