I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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