Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize