So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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