He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
