We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
