so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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