the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
