Someone shit on the floor
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
