she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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