I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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