my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
