My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
