so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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