i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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