dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
