just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
