so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize