I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
