My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
