Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
