My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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