I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
