Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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