im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
zippers are such a cool invention
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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