Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
