If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize