JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
