We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize