Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
