so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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