she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
