I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
