im having a threesome with these popsicles
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize