he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
