Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
