omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
