Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
