i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
