Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
