do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
