you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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