i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
