Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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