don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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