she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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