girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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