saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
