i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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