she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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