Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
