i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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