I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
