literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
