My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My ass is underappreciated
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize