Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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