Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
