Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
