my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
