I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
