I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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