He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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