Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
