You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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