I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
