I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
