aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
