people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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