I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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