I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is Oprah even human
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
