Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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