i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
