HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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