just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
