I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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