honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
