I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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