That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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