he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
