Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
