In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
