oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize