Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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