I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
