He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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