Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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