I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
