I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
