Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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