plz talk dirty to me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize