Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
