I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
