dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
