If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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