Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize