Will you blow on my dice?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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