Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
