if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
