I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
