i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
