puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
