Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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