dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
