things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You need a sexual gate keeper
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
