You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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