apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
