oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Too much gin, very little bucket
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
