she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
