I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
