So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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